SHULIN, fel
18
22.o1.91

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hello everybody ~~

i have somegood news to announce bahs.. hahas.. firstly is,, i got a 3 day job offer from Andrea (the one xuan intro me de.. thank you lots lots !!) and the job is on 11, 12 and 13 of sept.. hahas.. then the second one is that i cut my hair ^^ and got a new look.. hahas ~

and that is my new look.. hahas.. chiaming say i look nerdy, well i dont mind lorhs.. hahas.. then today go back sch, bruce zhenli and wangting laugh at me.. then i also laughing with them lahs ! but then somehow, i like my new look more and more ?~ hahas ! ANW, gonna try something with my hair tmr.. then maybe if i am not lazy jiu go take a photo and post it up.. ahhas..

i so wanna get contacts lahs.. waiting for more jobs to come T T andand i gonna pierce my ear soon ~ woots ! hahas.. dont know when janjan want to go pierce lehs.. i feel like having a total make over lahs.. hahahs.. want to go dye hair also.. but then no money.. sob~ i want to highlight with purple-ish red and purple-ish blue XD hahas ! when i got money,, i will go and do ! wahahahas~~ OHOH !! want more clothes too T T

i want money money !! (x

still watching 命中注定我爱你.. end up crying like dont know what lahs.. hahas.. the drama is super nice. highly recommend !! somehow makes me want to grow up and have my own xiao baby (x and i dont know why my tummy is aching super weird today..

chiaming is coming back on the 5th.. so i am going to take this to give us another chance to see how bahs.. but, i dont think it will work out as bryan is still always in that position..
kim is going for her OITP soon le.. i am so gonna miss her lahs..

well, i dont know what the outcome will turn out to be.. all i wish is that he can be happy ^^ but i want to take this chance to make chiaming giving up on other girls bahs..
cos till now.. i cant forget our memories with bryan.. sorry chiaming..

stupid blogger having problem again.. sian.. anw.. finally finish exams le !! YAY ~ and da jie is treating me ice cream buffet tmr at ION.. hahas.. cant wait lur.. (x

i am sorry that i have to do that to you.. but we can no longer go back to how we used to be le.. you are not the you i know before and neither am i the one whom you know before.. there are some things you shouldnt know and i arent going to let you know either.. so forget about me.. delete me from everything.. and remembers to take care..

finally hp de wallpaper change.. i dont care about anything now le.. and i am going to bury myself with club stuffs to do.. not going to think about him le bahs (i wish i can.. but all i do is lie to myself and everyone.. sorry chiaming.. i just dont know why i still cant let go.. i dont know why i still keep hoping he will come back to me even thou i know it will nvr happen.. but i just keep hoping..)

yesterday was the one week after our break up.. went to his house to return his jacket and his shirt where i borrowed from him.. he was like just wake up then.. hahas.. which reminds me of foc.. then jiu went home after that lur.. then at night.. was very confused about the matter i have been facing for like a week also le bahs..

saw ferg online to ask him free mahs, want to ask his advice.. told him about my problem for like 1 hour plus lahs.. and really thank you.. hahas..

there is this ah wei guy keep sms-ing me.. calling me galgal and all.. i feel so uncomfortable lahs.. but then since i got unlimited sms.. jiu sort of reply him once in a long while.. but its like damn irritating..

today went out with del.. i was hoping by going out wasting my time i can stop thinking about stuffs and him.. but no matter where i go.. jiu made me remember of him.. our memories there.. his msgs.. what we doing there.. etcetc.. i really misses our flyer trip.. our very first date.. everywhere i go has you in it.. even del's house also have it.. only my house dont have.. so i think its better for me to stay home right bahs ?

tmr mahjong session again.. all becos dont want stay at home see dad's face.. going to bed le..
tata ~　


わたし、ひき Bryan

today he actually comment on my FB de shoutout.. and i was so happy over it lahs.. althou i really think i might fail.. but its worth it bahs ? he nvr comment in my shoutouts before and this is the first time bahs..

then in the morning, my mom ask me.. "you got new boyfriend isit ? everyday dress so nicely go out. if got bring back let me see see who the guy is lah.." i hear le i was like.. hais.. i also want to bring, but too bad.. we arent together anymore le..

ferg asked me how i am le.. told him what happen.. not that i want to end like that.. but he already said the chance is hard le.. somemore, i scared pester him too much he will feel me irritating bahs.. but if, if one day he says he still have that tiny bit of feelings.. i will try whatever i cant till it really cannot be help bahs.. but i say le.. if he says that he does.. if not, i am just going to pretend nothing happen and continue to act strong infront of everyone bahs..

went for job interview.. and the person say will contact me next week again (: hoping to get a job so that i can get my contacts and hopefully dye my hair andand some new denims and dress (x hahahs !

i just LOVE driving mans.. forget when talk to serene about driving.. and i am damn enthu about it lahs.. and guess what ?! i having another lesson tmr, and i am so looking forward to it ! yay ~~ but i found myself quite reckless in driving.. cos i am like driving at a speed where the road doesnt let.. x.x hahas but dont care lur.. want to use one hand drive de.. but then instructor dont let.. sadded !

saw him today during my weba interview.. he walked pass the yellow benches but i dont know if he sees me anot bahs.. was damn stressed out for the interview today.. but well finally its over.. it just seems like every where i go will reminds me of you bahs.. and all i can do now is to watch you far from a distance..

people tell me its worthless to be like this for him since he doesnt seems to care for me at all.. keep telling me that there are still alot of guys out there.. asking me to move on, to let go.. but, i just dont know what makes me attract to him this much..

i dont know why our 3 months plus relationship can make me so hard to let go.. it hurts me so much to know his feelings sway.. but i still cant forget about him.. loving someone who doesnt love back anymore hurts so much yet, i still chose to continue to love.. kept asking myself why am i so silly.. but i just couldnt find the answer why.. maybe becos this is called love ?

i dont know bahs.. just who can tell me how to forget about him ? hermi said to find new love.. but its not that bahs.. the feeling isnt about find new love.. hais.. i dont know lah ! anw, i dont care about what to post or what not to post le.. cos he wont come here to see either de.. so just let me say out what i couldnt say bahs..

chiaming, i am sorry.. but i still couldnt go back to you.. not only afraid of hurting you like how i did before.. but also, i arent even sure about myself if i am ready to go back on a relationship..

i cant feel myself anymore.. i dont have the strength to stay strong anymore.. stil trying hard to pretend nothing happen.. but i seriously cant.. i misses him dearly.. still having no appetite to eat anything.. no mood to study or do my flash.. i really dont know what to do already..

chiaming said to wait for me.. even thou i betrayed him.. he forgives me and still love me.. i dont know what to do le.. he wants to come back during his short break.. came back just to spend time with me.. wanting to fulfil what he said before we broke up.. but all i can think about is still bryan..

i think he just dont care about me anymore le.. but i still dont know why am i still like that.. couldnt proceed on.. from last sunday till now.. everyday i seems to be crying.. even thou he said chances are very hard.. but somehow.. i still keeps hoping that we will be back again.. i know its unfair for chiaming.. and i am sure he felt this before that time too..

i really dont know what to do le.. chiaming even ask me to talk to bryan if i still want him.. i have no courage.. no confident.. no nothing le.. now i totally understand how much pain i gave to chiaming.. cant eat, cant slp.. cant do anything right..

why must fate toy with me like that ? keep asking myself why.. why cant i stop thinking of him.. why cant i stop loving him.. why cant i just die like that ? why must i keep crying ? why cant i do better when we are together ? why this why that.. there are so many whys.. who can help me answer all this ?

its raining outside now.. how i wish i can be like during sec sch.. walk in the rain everytime i am sad and cry.. no one will know i am crying.. except me.. feels like giving up on myself.. or can say.. already giving up le bahs..

i dont know how am i going to die for my buom test tomoro.. cos i havent even touch one bit.. i dont even feel like studying it.. dont even want to go sch tomoro.. aishiteru bryan da..